Cars

2005-10-03T23:27:00.000-04:00

2005-07-27T22:23:00.000-04:00

Side view

2005-07-27T22:22:00.000-04:00

Engine bay and front end

2005-07-27T22:21:00.000-04:00

Interior. Please disregard date on photo. I can't seem to fix on the camera.

WTF photo of the week Now!

2005-04-26T22:03:00.000-04:00

There are always worse places to work!

NEW WEEKLY WEB POLL UP!

2005-04-26T21:43:00.000-04:00

Home life

2005-04-25T13:52:00.000-04:00

My household has turned completely upside down since last week. Matt gets a phone call around midnight of one day last week from his parents telling him to come and get his sister and to never bring her back. I come to find out that Carrie has been suspended from school today for the fourth time this year and she has already failed her sophmore year. Matt goes and gets her but I strictly tell him she can only bring clothes and very neccasary items since their house is still filled with roaches. The first I thing I do is wash her clothes just in case and she is sleeping on the couch.
Skipping a couple of days ahead:
She was doing fine with her chores and taking care of my animals until yesterday happened.
Carrie and I were play wrestling on the living room floor while Matt was watching and laughing his ass off. I was enjoying my old tom boys days playing with a new tom boy. Things were going okay until I must have done something to upset her or made her feel uncomfortable by grabbing her somewhere (I don't know what i did). She immediately began punching me in my stomach, knocking the wind out of me each punch. Matt wanted to get involved but I told him a very long time ago, do not get involved in girl fights or you will end up with two women beating on you. All he do was yell at Carrie to stop. I finally lunged her off of me and I got back to my feet. She came running after me and I socked her right in the fucking eye. Her eye became blood shot and started to swell. She ran into the dogs room and locked the door while Matt tended to me. She did not come out for the rest of the night.
I am gathering my stuff to leave this morning and she was out in the living room. All I told her was "Do not speak to me unless spoken too and you will do everything I say and your brother has my back" She started crying and I walked out the door and left for work.
Matt actually called me at work today to see how I am doing which was pretty nice of him seeing that he never does that.

My school life will come tonight while I am playing catch up with homework.

Work

2005-04-25T13:47:00.000-04:00

Last week threw everybody for a spin I think. Bottom line it though, I got all of my work done.
Some crazy drama happened between team members last Friday and for once I had really nothing to do with it. Everyone got to talk individually with my boss about their issues and I am sure my boss is working on a way to resolve them, I hope. I only had one negative thing that I found disturbing and quite frankly my feelings were a little hurt. No specifics, it already feels good just to vent the generic version. The thing I have to say is I want what ever problem there is in the team to come to a head and be completely dealt with all the way around. Don't just talk about it and scold everyone about bringing it up. Do something about it and show us what you are doing.

Weight Loss

2005-04-25T13:44:00.000-04:00

The last time I weiged myself was at a bed bath, and beyond store and came up with 156lb as the mode. I weighed myself last week at work after finally waiting for a coworker to bring her scale and came up with 151lbs. Cool, I have lost 5lbs. The only thing is where on my body did I lose this weight because I still can't fit into any smaller pants or shirts? I will keep hoping to lose more and maybe notice a difference in a size or two.

Very Long Week

2005-04-23T23:04:00.000-04:00

I am sorry I have not written lately but this week has been really long with alot that happened.
-Info on my weight loss
-Info on work
-Info on a very big change in home life
-Info on school
All of this coming very shortly, I just need to get something to eat right now or my tummy is going to pop right out of me and food on it's own. I will be right back.

Excuses

2005-04-18T14:02:00.000-04:00

This weekend really sucked for me. It was mainly because of Matt. First, he claims that I am lazy and I don't want to anything but, his idea of doing something is helping him change the oil or wash one of the cars. I had worked 52 hours last week and went to school. I am fucking tired. The weekends are my time to rest and do some things around the house. This was Saturday afternoon that he said after I had just drove to Lumberton which is at least 100 miles away that morning all to get a car part for him. There were fucking closed by the time I got there so I basically did this for nothing. Sunday, He does take me to Wally World for some more beads and then he fixes the mufflers on my car. For once, he does something on my car instead of his or his friends. It is around 8pm last night when he said he had to drive across town really quick to drop off something. "We will watch a movie when I come back in an hour." Two hours go by and of course I call him, both of his phones go to voicemail. Finally at 11pm, he calls and says all of these excuses. I finally said to him, "I am so sick and fucking tired of hearing excuses every time you fuck up with me. Why can't you just say that I am a sorry fucker and it will never happen again." I made the man cry for once. He deserves it. As many times as he has stood me up, it is time a little payback.

Today, I speak with him at lunch and he is all depressed because he feels he isn't going anywhere in live. I simply told him, you are the one that has to make things happen, They are mot going to happen for you. You are going somewhere in your live, just not as fast as you would like. Be patient. I know it is at least going to take another three years to finish school at the rate I am going but I am finishing it. That is what counts. He just won't listen to me and again comes up with excuses about why something won't work out. Negativity is a really big issue in my house right now.

WTF photo for 4/17

2005-04-18T14:01:00.000-04:00

That really sucks

WTF photo for 4/16

2005-04-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

Hiyah!

WTF photo for 4/15

2005-04-18T13:59:00.000-04:00

Is this what the world of fitness has come to?

WTF photo of the day

2005-04-14T23:53:00.000-04:00

Diry mind at it again

2005-04-14T22:26:00.000-04:00

K	Kinky
I	Intelligent
M	Meek
M	Modern
Y	Yucky

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

WTF photo of the day!

2005-04-13T22:36:00.000-04:00

This would be great for a very large shopping spree!

WTF photo of the day for yesterday!

2005-04-13T13:54:00.000-04:00

Do we just have dirty minds or is the church really trying to tell us something?

First timer

2005-04-13T13:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I was so excited about my annual review at work becuase I have never had a review in all of working years and you get to recap everything that you did over the last year and see how much you have grown. I remember my boss has tought me a hell of lot of stuff about technology, and life. I really appreciate that. I also so glad that I can be totally open with her with work or life concerns. The review rent really well accept for a view minor objections which I am addressing today if I have time.

I watched Ocean's Twelve last night. I loved it, but it seemed very long like it would never end.

Matt is still thinking about Kuwait and keeps asking me how i feel about it. I don't know how many times have answered him but it's getting old like he is changing his mind every other day.

Got alot on my plate today but I am hoping I will complete everything.

WTF picture for yesterday coming right up and the one for today will be on tonight.

WTF photo of the day!

2005-04-11T20:29:00.000-04:00

I think it would be really cool if I saw one of my cats make something like this.

Extremely proactive day!

2005-04-11T20:19:00.000-04:00

In response to ranting virgo about talking about work on my blog. I will be glad to discuss in detail about my work since last week was pretty bad for me, I decided to put it behind me and not worry about it. It honestly made me feel much better. There is only one thing I do worry about in the future of my job. You once told me that you hate micro management which I agree very strongly. I feel I get alot more done when I don't have someone looking over my shoulder all the time. I notice that there may be some people that need it or are used to it and I am fine with that. I just don't want it to roll over on me. Again, Paranoya issues! I can say also that I am very excited to have my review tomorrow since this is my first review I have ever had in my years of working since I was 14.

I almost followed my schedule today. I did alot of exercising and ate pretty healthy today. Matt took me out to lunch during work for the first time ever in my over a year of employment. I got everything done on my agenda at work today. I went to the gym and exhausted myself running and lifting weights that it felt so good to relax in the tanning bed. Now I am home and really needing a shower. Does anyone have a combination lock by chance for me to borrow until I can get my own?

In response to Gabriel's Daughter, I promise I will give you tons of information about work and what's happening.

WTF photo of the day coming right up.

WTF picture of the day. One will be posted each day and has nothing to do with what is going on in my life. Just a heads up!

2005-04-10T21:26:00.000-04:00

Something to think about trying when your office decides to take an all employee picture

Time management!

2005-04-10T20:51:00.000-04:00

Since I got a membership to the gym in Wenesday, I still have not had a chance to work out. Here is my plan to manage my time better:

Sunday:
Sleep in
Clean one room of the house
Laundry

Monday:
Work till lunch
Go home for lunch to take the dog out
Work till have 8 hours
Go to the Gym for work out and tanning
Go home and eat dinner
Clean one room of the house
Go to bed

Tuesday:
Work till Lunch
Go tanning during lunch
Work till 4:30-5:00
Go to school
Come home from school
Clean one room of the house

Wednesday
Work till Lunch
Go home for lunch and take the dog out
Work till have 8 hours
Go work out and do tanning
Go home and eat dinner
Clean one room of the house
Go to bed

Thursday
Work till Lunch
Go tanning
Work till 4:30-5:00
Go to school
Come home from school
Clean one room of the house

Friday
Work till Lunch
Go home and take the dog out
Work till have 8 hours
Go work out and do tanning
Come home and eat dinner
Clean one room of the house

Saturday
Go see family
Do what ever I want

Not in the most detail but it should work for me. It will keep me busy and help me to quit smoking maybe until I can go see the doctor about chemical help.

Sucky Week

2005-04-10T20:37:00.000-04:00

This week was pretty bad for me. Issues at work, Issues with family, Issues with pets, and Issues with my man. It all summed up to be a very sad Saturday with nothing but crying and feeling sorry for my self.

Don't want to talk about issues at work.

Issues with family: My parents thought I quit smoking for at least two years now but I just confessed to my mom that I am still smoking and I am having a hard time quitting. It took alot of stress off my shoulders but my mom promised not to tell my dad. My mom is upset with me but she is glad I finally told her. Now she is also mad at me for going to the tanning bed again when she is sitting at home fighting skin cancer. I can understand her anger but it is my life and I can give myself skin cancer if I want. I know that sounds selfish but I have been so pale all my life, it has giving me nothing but ridicule during my childhood. I was called "Casper" or the quote " My butt is tanner than you" It really sunk in to me. When I became of age to tan without my parents consent, I went for it and was never bothered again. I finally grew out of fase and stopped going until I got a membership at the gym last week that offered free tanning. I couldn't pass it up. I have to make the decision of putting up with people's ridicule or facing an angry mother.

My pets are driving me insane. I try to clean up after them but they don't care. Time out doesn't even work for them. They have ruined my blinds, speaker covers, furniture by peeing on them, turning over drinks that are even left for a minute on the table. Bad, Bad cats. My dof for once is the only one behaving.

Matt knows he treated me horribly this week. Not showing up at home until 4am, working on his cars all week, allowing his buddies to come into the house while I am taking a shower and could walk out naked any minute. Speaking of walking out of the bathroom naked, It's my house right? I can do that if I want. But, oh no, not today! I just got out of shower and realized all the clothes I needed were in the bedroom and just as I walked across the hall, Matt's parents come right in the door and say: Hi! Oh my God! This is not the first time this has happened. They always show up without even calling. That really pissed me off.

I will probably cry again tonight!

New Flash

2005-04-05T20:24:00.000-04:00

Since I am getting so addicted to beading jewelry, I am making a blog just to show off the jewerly bloggers have made. It will have links to websites to find beads, design piece of the month once we have enough people submitting photos, and more as the blog developes. I will post when the blog is live.

Better day today and hopefully better days ahead

2005-04-05T18:56:00.000-04:00

First and foremost, I want to thank everybody for their comments on how things are going for me lately. I am going to my doctor to get things set up with a therapist and possibly meds.

I finally found some time to post pics of my pets up. I don't have any new pictures of the kitten but I will soon when I can get him to lay still.

Things went better today overall. We were short handed at work but I still managed. I did come home with a migraine but once I sat down at home and took a long breath, it seemed to disappear. Matt was going to work on his mustang tonight thinking I was in school but when he found out I wasn't, he decided to drop by home just to see me. Very sweet of him. He had decided to go to Kuwaitt but is now unsure now that his friend is going to do something else over there under a year contract. I think I can bear for Matt for to be gone for three months, but no a whole year. I will let Matt think about it some more.

NEW WEEKLY WEB POLL UP!

2005-04-05T18:33:00.001-04:00

Here is my big and crazy dog but he is so beautiful

2005-04-05T18:33:00.000-04:00

Here is my first pet. She is the one that has OCD!

2005-04-05T18:32:00.000-04:00

Here is the one that pee's all over everything but has the most big blue eyes

2005-04-05T18:31:00.000-04:00

Here is one of my babies

To be medicated or not to be medicated?

2005-04-01T22:14:00.000-05:00

More news on the issue with Matt and his x-girlfriend. I finally had a long talk with Matt about Allison and he finally told me the truth. He does not call her anymore which is true becuase it is not on the lastest phone bill but she still calls him like once a week to talk about all of her problems such as her mom does not want her and she is not getting along with her husband and she has no one else to talk. Matt admitted to me that he does not want to talk to her anymore but he just does not know how to say it to her which I understand. They went out in seventh grade and have been friends since but she still direspected me. Yet again, I have another dilema with this.

Lately, I have been feeling extremely depressed and feeling paranoya about everything. I keep feeling like I am sinking into this pit of hatred and despression. I might as well call it my own personal hell. I had a long discussion with my mom about this last night and what she said sounded horrible to me. "Kim, you were such an unhappy child, unhappy teenager, and unhappy adult but you never asked for help or could never get the right help." How can a child ask for help when they don't know what is wrong with them? My mom kept saying I am clinicly depressed and should be on meds but she doesn't know why I am not. The paranoya is really what is getting to me. Now that one of my coworkers is back from vacay, I feel like the fifth wheel and the two teams are ganging up on me. They tell me it's not true and I want to believe them but I still feel it. I also feel this way outside of work. I feel my boyfriend is plotting to leave me for Allison or to Kuwaitt on the Govt. job and never come home becuase he rather be there than here with me. I feel like my entire family is against me. It never ends. I always feel this but I pushed it aside for a while until I realized my coworker is coming back and I have no one as my buddy. Even with all of these feelings, my work is not affected, but my mind is so drained that I know it will take it toll on me eventually. I have decided to go to the doctor and demand help. I know I need it. My question is do I need chemicals or therapy?

Some happy news. I got some more beads tonight to make a another necklace. I promise I will get some pictures up but it's a pain in the ass to take pictures, transfer to my computer and then use Hello! to post online.

Spring Break Blues

2005-03-28T19:25:00.000-05:00

I accomplished alot during my springbreak and finally got to relax from school after a really hard ass exam on Bonds the week before. I worked alot and worked alot and cleaned the house really good. The thing that disappoints me is Matt and I did not go anywhere or do anything outrageous. Thursday night was the worst. Matt has finally finished his mustang. I mean paint and running really well and everything. Finally he can take a break from this car bull shit. He decided to take me to the track Thursday night so I can get out of the house. We get about half way there and boom! His car breaks down during 6 o'clock traffic. All of our friends with tow trucks are already at the track so we sat there on the side of the road for 4 hours. Thank goodness I brought some munchies. His friends finally pick us up and tow us home and that was the end of the evening.

Friday was my parent's 33rd anniversary so I decided to visit and bring a really nice crystal vase for my mom's flowers that she likes to buy once a week. We went to the mall and had lunch and my mom bought me some new bras after crying for half an hour about how shopping for bras sucks. I came home around 7pm and slept till the next around 3pm. I finally got up and started cleaning and cooking dinner only to go to sleep again.

Sunday, I woke up around 3pm again and really cleaned the house. Matt's dad and his little sister came over to say hi and I dragged Carrie to the grocery store today. I did find out that since his dad has been off work for the past couple of weeks, they have actually been cleaning the house. Their kitchen is done and so is the living room. They still have alot to do but maybe they will finish. This still does not mean I am bringing my purse in that roach infested house. It really just needs to be burned down and a new house built on top.

Today seemed very frustrating. I felt like I wasn't going to get anything accomplished but I did at least finish everything on my agenda. I also think alot of my frustration today had to do with a dream I had last night but I know that it will never happen. If you want to hear more, please ask for details.

I haven't made any jewelry lately since I am trying to save as money as possible. I can't stop thinking about buying a house. I really think about it when I have to handscrub the tile floors everyweek in the dump we are living in now.

I promise, I will start writing like normal again, once Matt gets away from the computer.

A very productive day

2005-03-15T22:02:00.000-05:00

Work went really well today as far as productivity went. I completed all of my assignments, caught up on old assignments and still had time to enjoy myself and breathe. I love seeing the new bead designs my boss makes and that I make to show everybody.

The sad part of the day was school of course. I had a review for our exam on Thursday on Stock and Bonds. I keep thinking to myself there is no way I will end up with a career in the study. I don't think anyone could pay me enough to this stuff everyday. And Guess what, our next chapter after this exam is on more securties. Please give me a break.

Spring break is next week for my college and I should be thinking about relaxing after work or cleaning around the house but nope. I rather work overtime if possible.

I found a site a couple of days ago that connects to yahoo group where people list free stuff they are giving away. I don't know how to post links yet in here but the address is www.freecycle.org You can search by your state or country then county. It will take you to a yahoo group where you can join very easily and start looking at things given away. One of my coworkers said he got a vaccum of the his group for free. Can anybody tell me how get a link to post in here?

I am coming home from school tonight calls me to say when I get home to look through the front door. I am expecting another present. Don't know what it is yet but I will let you know tomorrow.

New Weekly Web Poll Up!!

2005-03-14T20:13:00.000-05:00

Sick

2005-03-14T18:37:00.000-05:00

Thing were going absolutely wonderful. I felt great on Saturday enjoying my new heater. I got to spend the day at home relaxing while Matt was at work. I completed two beaded jewelry projects that day. Pictures coming of what I made.

Sunday, I did not even want to get up. Matt had been sick the first part of the weekend and I guess it finally hit me. I had a major temp and could barely breathe. Matt drugged me up for the whole day and he even made a confetti cake, but he turned around and said it is for my sister since my family is coming over today. You know something, when he is sick, I don't let anyone come over and his parents even say we will leave him alone, but when I get sick, everybody comes over and I get no privacy. Matt took his mom and sister to Wal mart while his dad sat on the computer telling me to look at this or that. I felt like shit. I did not want to be bothered. Matt did buy me a new purse though which will be shown at work on Tuesday. That's #2 for something he bought me as a surprise.

Also to make matters worse, one of my cats is in heat and she is the loudest thing. My next door niehbors even said they could hear her through the concrete walls.

Woke up Monday to still be sick with a fever. I called in to work and slept til about noon. I took Reeses out to place him in his kennel and found a little dog in my yard. It was my other next door neihbors. It had gotten out of fence. She came right up to me and I placed her back in the yard. 30 mins later, I see all of my cats looking out the window and again, the dog got out. I put it back in the fence one more time like a dumb ass. I finally lay on the couch to try to take another nap and knock, knock. A lady from the day care center next door had the same dog in her arms asking if it was mine. I said no of course and took the dog. I walked over to the house with dog dressed in nothing but a robe and knocked on the screen door. I saw the door was unlocked and heard the TV going. I feared that I might find the old lady dead somewhere in the house. I walked in to discover the house is more messy than Matt's parents. Alchol bottles, glass and dog food everywhere. I searched the house to find she wasn't home. Thank Goodness. I took the dog inside my house to keep it safe until the lady came home. 2 hrs roll and nothing. I finally called animal control and they came and picked up the dog. I hope the old lady will learn her lesson when she has to go to the police dept to pick up her dog.

After all of that mess, I finally got to take another nap after taking some NyQuil of course and was woken up 2 hours later to Matt's presence. At least my fever was gone.

Garbriel's Daughter asked how my animals are doing. My orange cat is in heat. My half persian/siamese is still peeing on things. My black cat is still chewing her hair off and our new kitten is well, at kitten. Reeses is learing slowly how to obey us and I found a wonderful toy to give him exercise in the house and make me laugh. A laser pointer. I can make that 70lb. dog run straight into the fridge if I want.

Well late me save some writing for tomorrow.

Oh! What a wonderful boyfriend!

2005-03-12T20:38:00.000-05:00

I have been living in a concrete house for the past year and a half. Summers are awesome since it keeps cool but winters suck. If I run the heat in my house, the electric bill goes from $45 to $179. That is absolutely ridiculous. Matt and I decide to turn off the heat and deal with it. Luckly my parents bought me a little heater for X-mas. This is just the background.

Around 8pm last night, Matt calls me and says to come home and look in the bedroom. He said he had gotten me something. I leave work and kept thinking on the way home that Matt had either gotten me some beads, another animal, or a purse. I arrive home to find him opening the car door for me, giving me a kiss, and carrying all of my stuff. I go into the bedroom and Matt bought me another heater. It's not just any heater, it has a remote, it swings, and has a timer to turn on and off. Knowing how expensive heaters are, I was so happy. I turned it on right away and enjoyed beading in my bedroom.

I know Matt doesn't spend alot of time with me but he is starting to buy me things which I think I am starting to enjoy very much. Now all I need is a mountain of beads to complete my jewerly designs.

I will start keeping a list of things he buys me so I can look at it to remind myself not to gripe all the time when he doesn't spend time with me.

Realization

2005-03-10T07:47:00.000-05:00

I can finally admit it. I have a weight problem out loud. I realized last night when an XL shirt at Wally world wouldn't even fit me. I cried in the fitting room. Time for a diet an some exersice or to give up what I love most which is the depo shot.

Some really goods news yesterday. Everyone in my department moved to another section of our building yesterday. I think it is possibly bringing everyone closer together. We also got a new body. I want to give a big shout out and Welcome Nicole.

New Weekly Web Poll up

2005-03-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

It's been a while

2005-03-07T21:08:00.000-05:00

Again, it has been a while since I signed on. It's not because I have been dreadfully sick. It's not because I have been busy with life. I just haven't had the energy.

I'll start off with something simple. Matt received this $1 bill that says in print "Congratulations you've found George!! Report your finding at www.wheresgeorge.com" This is weird. I still haven't had time to check it out in fear of a virus entering my computer. Not like I have enough already.

I am still working on my goals. I have good weeks where I think I am getting close but the next week, I take a step farther back than I was the week before. I keep sinking but not giving up.

I received the cell phone bill on Saturday. I opened it and found Matt had been calling his X again twice. Once on my freeking birthday. I confronted Matt about this and all he could say is "Whatever!" What a Bastard!

Matt's little sister is just ranting and raving about her 16th Birthday coming up and is expecting a car as a present along with other things. Matt wasn't given a car for his, neither me or even his other sister. She has become such a spoiled brat but yet they live like white trailer trash. I don't understand it. They have nice clothes and jewelry and guns but there house is filled with roaches and mice. The whole house needs to be burned down with everything in it just to get rid of the pests inside. Believe me, bombing won't fix this problem. The "Clean Sweep" show won't even help them. Anyone want to help me set a fire?

Well, Our Male kitten is turing very crazy. He likes to sit in front of the computer monitor and watch me type or mouse. I will take a picture when I can catch him in the act.

Even with one of our coworkers gone for month, I think things are running okay. Not as good as I like but not severly bad. I always feel like my best is not good enough. I feel this way with everything. School, work, home, and family. I am never good enough. I do have to say, my work seems to me to be the only place where I think I can do my best but something usually holds me back. I need to learn to takes things one day at a time like I do at home.

Some positive thinking, I think I lost a couple of pounds this week. Some pants I bought a couple of weeks ago could barely fit me, now they are sagging. This usually happens when I am due for my depo shot which is the most wonderful drug in the world. I don't care what the side effects are or the chances of getting pregnant afterwards are. To not have a period and to make love anytime you want are more than enough pros to me to continue this wonder drug.

Well I am going to finish watching Rocky II and finish laundry. See yah tomorrow, I promise.

Sorry

2005-02-25T22:31:00.000-05:00

I am so sorry it has been so long since I has written. I have been so busy with school and work and house work.

I got a vaccum for my birthday and I finally used it for the first time last weekend and I am in love. I cut my cleaning time in half. I also got a bunch of clothes for my birthday and I now have a decent wardrobe again. My boss gave me a beautiful shirt with some jewerly and they are so beautiful. I felt very professional when I went to work on Wednesday.

Work has been getting better. I am starting to feel more included again. Our newbie is turning out to be very smart and open minded. I can really connect with her. I am also very excitied about a incentive program at work. I have already earned enough $ in it to take care of my sick cat who is obsessed with chewing her hair off because she has a severe allergic reaction to fleas. Some very sad news today. It was one of my coworkers last day for month since she is taking a personal leave. I hope she knows that she will be missed and we expect her back and pushing again in a month.

Matt has really changed lately. He seems like an old man wanting to sit at home with me. He doesn't really even work on cars anymore. He is also being so affectionate that I am not even used to it. It seems that now I am the one afraid of committment.

I am excited about tomorrow since I get to go shopping with my mom again to get a bunch of beads to make more jewelry. It's all I seem to want to do lately.

Well gotta go. Matt wants us to go lay in bed and watch a movie together. Have a great weekend.

Quote of Week

2005-02-20T14:24:00.000-05:00

"As soon as you have your goals set, someone moves the posts."

I have alot of goals and goals that I am currently working on, but it seems like lately they are getting squashed or postponed.

Goal #1
Really get my house clean. I mean really clean. Everytime I work on it room by room, Matt's family comes over and leaves a gigantic mess or my dog pisses in his cages leaving me with no paper towels or my half persian/siamese cat pisses on the chair.

Goal #2
Money! I have a goal to reach $3500 so my bank can start helping me invest to eventually afford some kind of down payment on the house. I make enough money at work to get by but that's it. Living expenses, pets, and school really drag me down. I am left with nothing extra to save with. I can't get a second job becuase that would leave me with no time study. I refuse to ask for help from anyone else just in case I can't pay them back. I am really only left with two choices: Prey to something that I will get a nice raise for my anniversary at work. Or, look for another job that can pay me to meet my budget.

Goal #3
Projects at work. I have my main goals set which is great, but it always seems there are these new projects that come along and kinda wash my goals away. These are wonderful projects to improve our business but aren't my weekly goals just as important?

Goal #4
Get Matt to understand that cars are not his life. He is slowly progressing but his friends just seem to take him 3 steps back. I can't tell Matt to stop hanging around his friends. That would be wrong on my part but he needs to learn when to say no and stop using me as an excuse.

These are my four biggest goals at this point. I will let you know what the outcome of each is as I go through this year. Any suggestions in the mean time?

My B-day Weekend

2005-02-13T13:04:00.000-05:00

This weekend was very different for me.

Friday, Matt and my old friends took me to a mexican restaraunt called Torreos which was pretty good. My old friends were acting as silly as can be throwing food and talking about cars and sex asking me about work since my work is something not mentioned very often in the bible belt.

Afterwards, we all went back to one my friends house 4 grown and disgusting men live to watch the Anchorman on DVD. I thought the movie was stupid funny. I am not the biggest fan of Will Farrell. We all had some drinks and realized it was 2 am with no alcohol left and I am really tired. Matt took me home to sleep.

Saturday, Matt went to work till about 3:30 while my parents went with me to a new store I found and love. The New River Pottery at South Hills Mall if anyone is interested where to find. My mom found some lovely rooster napkins to go with her new rooster kitchen when it is finished remodeling. My parents took me to Teddy's pizza to get my two slices of Cheese. New York pizza is my fave. We get back to my house and Matt just got home and wanted to take a shower since my family was taking us out eat. I have not been to a expensive restaraunt since I got my last years tax refund. We went to Red Lobster and of course I got the all you can shrimp feast. Full and ready to go home, my parents decided to rent a movie and watch it at my place. We watched Surviving Christmas with Ben Affleck and James Gandolfini. I thought it was pretty funny.

Now hitting the stroke of midnight, my parents decided to leave and go home.

Sunday, it's 1pm and Matt is still asleep and I am sitting waiting for him to get up so he can take me shopping like he promised. I will let you know what I buy.

I was invited to a tatoo party at one of my co workers house for Saturday night. I feel bad I couldn't make it, but it is not very often my parents come to visit and when my mom is not knocked up on her methadone. I had some real conversations with her about her past that she never even told my dad. It was a real experience. I hope my co worker will not be mad at me for not showing up and I hope to hear alot about it when I see her again.

I miss the old days

2005-02-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

Work seemed today to have quite a bit a drama in the air. Other than having a wonderful time at one of my fave resturants with my co worker that is leaving, the feeling in the dept seemed kinda depressing.

I am such a worry wart that I always feel like it has something to do with me. Our dept. is so busy right now. It has everyone feeling extremely stress and I feel like sometimes I add to it. My boss has so much going on and I can't seem to stay out of her office asking her questions that later on i realize i probably could have answered that myself. I always feel I am going to do something wrong since alot of the projects I receive are so new in a way. One our best people's last day in on Friday and that has got me stressed and feeling sad since I just opened up to her. Our new person is really sweet and wants to learn everything but it seems like everytime I am looking for her, she is MIA. I think she is getting the admin work involved in our dept but there are somethings I just don't feel comfortable with her working on YET. My other coworker who was the only one in our dept for a while til I came along seems distant. I almost feel it is towards me and not anyone else. The other coworker always seems happy but now she is even planning on leaving but not for a while. I find myself with too many projects to finish but I always seem to want more because I want to learn so much.

Here is my plan:
Really sit and think about my questions that I have before I go ranting to my boss.
Be extremely helpful and respectful to the newbie.
Don't tackle any new projects till the ones on my plate are complete.
Make a schedule by the hour of what I need to do per day
Lastly, mind my own business and keep my mouth shut so I don't bug people while they are trying to work. Essentially, Speak only when spoken to.

No more work talk till tomorrow to see how my plan is working or not. I hate telling a man you couldn't satisfy me in bad. It seemed like the biggest ego crusher ever to a man. I learned my lesson again on how to keep my mouth shut.

Well I finally found someone to take the kitten. I am just waiting on them to get prepared. I really hope these people will take care of him.

I am really excited about this weekend. My parents are coming to visit and they never do. My even said I can take her to any store I want since our birthdays are so close. Matt is also taking me shopping which is the first time ever since I have been with which is 3 years now. There is also going to be a really cool tatoo party this weekend which I am really going to try to attend. my family knows about it and Matt knows so maybe they will help me make time for it. I hate making promises for any advanced planning. I have never been good at keeping them. I will always get there hopes up and crush them. So no more promises. In turn I don't expect any.

Web Poll results:
Dogs (50%)
Cats (50%)
All others (0%)

New poll up.

Don't forget to check out my wishlist for my birthday.

The Hello program is fixed

2005-02-08T21:07:00.000-05:00

I finally got the Hello program to work to publish pix's again. Below is the picture of my favorite pair of jeans that got ripped.

This weekend kinda sucked but was also pretty good.

The bad:
Matt had to take care of car stuff on Sunday and did not get to spend the whole day with me like compromised.
Matt's father was acting like an anal retentive jerk for he could only think about money.
Matt's little sister was pitching a hissy because she couldn't go with us to Matt's uncle's house for the super bowl party. She ended up coming anyway and I had to drive home afterwards which was an hour drive.
Matt worked all day on Saturday and then went to go hang out with the boys and did not come home when promised.

The good:
I got drunk at Matt's Uncle's house while Matt didn't just in case he had to drive.
I almost finished making my mothers birthday present which is this Thursday.
Did I say I got drunk already?

Today was a pretty normal Tuesday for me. I got some more beads for my next design project. I got my first exam grade back tonight. A very disapointing 81%. That hurts me because right now my GPA is 4.0 and I don't want to lose that.

I have been slowly updating my wish list. Click on link below and if that doesn't work, go to my complete profile and click wish list.

See yah tomorrow.

2005-02-08T21:05:00.000-05:00

This is the pic of my favorite that suffered a rip

Stroke of Bad Luck Ended

2005-02-04T21:51:00.000-05:00

Well my stroke of bad luck ended on the 2nd. Also lately, I have been feeling extremely cheerful. I think it is because Matt has been treating me so wonderfully since Monday until Tonight.

Background: I am at work at 8:15 Mon- Fri. On Tues and Thurs I have school at night. I used to stay late on Mon , Wed, and Fri to get overtime until Matt started to bitch that he couldn't work over time because he would have to come home early to take the dog out. To help remendy the situation, I devised a plan that where I would go home during lunch on Mon, Wed, and Fri and take the dog out and run other aarons and go back to work and stay later until I reached 8 hours or more. Plan going well for a good while until tonight.

Present: I did my part today and took the dog out at lunch and matt called me around 5pm to make sure. I said yes. He said he was up at his friends shop and fixing to leave to take the dog out again. He also asked me to call when I was leaving work to see what he is doing. 9pm rolls around and I call him to find out he has not been home yet, but instead is working a friends car still at the shop. It seems just like America to do this. You take care of everyone else's problems but your own. I was livid. Matt kept on apologizing but I wouldn't budge. I am determined to be pissed about it because when I got home, of course there was a lot of shit in the cage that I had to clean up.

Future: What I want is for Matt to learn what his priorities are. The way he is going right now, he won't have any kind of love life or marriage or kids. Why did our creator, whatever that might be have to make men so dumb and take forever to grow up or make women more like men instead of independent and multitasking enabled?

Enough ranting on the subject of Men. Work is kinda becoming pretty intense. It kinda seems there is a dark cloud hanging over my department. Hopefully Valentines day will brighten up things. I did want to comment that someone is leaving my job who I am going to miss very much because I have grown to be open with her which is very hard for me. I really hope we can still keep in touch.

Stroke of Bad Luck

2005-02-01T21:30:00.000-05:00

I think I must have broken a mirror without knowing it or something like that.

Last night when I came home from work and walked in the door. I find and ash tray turned over on the floor with ashes and butts all over place. I find a cup of choclate milk turned over and spilled on my suede recliner.

Today after work, I went to school and had dropped my purse in the hallway. I squatted to pick it up and a big ripping sound occurred. I had ripped a slit on the back part of my thigh on my favorite pair of jeans. Above is a picture of the jeans.

What's next?

I should just stay at work since I have no bad luck there.

Speaking of school, I took my first exam in intermediate accounting II tonight. It was so much material to cover and remember that I hope I did okay. My goals are always in the 90's but I will settle for anywhere in the 80's since this is the hardest class for my degree.

New on Matt. He is still being especially nice to me. For example, Matt about 99.9% of the time forgets to do something I ask him to do. Today asked him to turn back the dryer for me when he got home and later on that evening till I got home. He actually did it. I was shocked. I finally told him something I wanted for my birthday coming up. A new pair of jeans.

Sleepy Head woke up

2005-01-31T23:23:00.000-05:00

This weekend was close to been complete.
-I did go to my parents house
-My father completed Matts taxes to find out he is only getting a measely $475 back.
-I study 1 of 2 chapters for my first exam
-I actually paid needed bills this morning
-I took my neglected dog on a walk but not far since he kept tripping me(luckily it was on grass)

Matt said something really cruel Sunday morning that I completely flipped out over. The background is that Matt has an X who lives in Baton Rouge who in the past has left messages on his cell saying to break up with me and get back with her. I could not beleive a married woman with a child would play these games. Anyway. Being the car freak Matt is, we were watching a mazda commercial when Matt said "I know someone who has a hooked mazda!" I asked who to start a cool conversation. His response "Nevermind." I kept asking and he kept avoiding until I finally I guessed Miss Married Hoochie. He said yes. I was pissed that I am sitting right next to him while he was even thinking about her. I was pissed to find out that she still calls him once a week. I am still pissed that he talk to her about anything but it is hard as shit for him to tell me anything. End of conversation.

I walked away and started to do laundry, dishes, anything to take my mind off this shit. After a while he came over to help me do dishes. He asked what's wrong and I really blew up at him. The weird part is while I blew up, all he could do is laugh and say what a trip I am. Even though the situation wasn't completely resolved, I felt so much better cussing and yelling and crying out at him.

Later on that night, we actually sat down and talked. He asked me how I got so settled which was a good question. I think I am getting too settled always sitting at home and never wanting to go anywhere. I decided then that it is time for a change. The only thing I want out of this is I do things with Matt that he wants, I expect the same thing in return.

So far everything has been wonderful and open. Let's see how long this lasts.

2005-01-28T23:56:00.000-05:00

Sleepy Head

Positive Thinking

2005-01-28T23:38:00.000-05:00

I am actually excited about this weekend. Here is what I have planned for my weekend.
-Go and see my parents since I haven't seen them in almost four weeks
-Have my father help me with Matt and I's taxes
-Study for my first test of the semester next week
-Pay some bills to take the worry off my brain
-Take my neglected dog on a hike at a park

There will be more to come. As far as today goes. I feel I was very productive today. I almost completed all my goals for the week even though I missed one day. Speaking of missing one day this week, I shouldn't gripe about what others think of my attendance. Others have it alot harder than me. I should just suck my ongoing illness or whatever I have and meet my goals and more.

More info about the kitten. I am still in a little disbelief about the gender of this kitten. Why you ask?
1. I took (it) to the vet and only saw a new technichan who says it's a male by feeling little tiny balls. I checked my self tonigt feeling really weird, but I did not feel anything.
2. I just keep having this feeling like it is female.

No more ranting for tonight accept for a word of thought from the picture. Make sure to get a good nights sleep.

Can I ever get over this sick feeling?

2005-01-27T21:52:00.000-05:00

Thought I was in the clear. It took me about three weeks to get rid of this nasty congestion in my chest and now this morning, I woke up to drenched bed from sweating through the cold night with a fever of 101. I hate calling into work. It always looks bad on you rep as far as attendance goes, but I rather stay at home and break my fever so no one else get this nasty feeling of body aches.

I finally broke my fever this afternoon after sitting in a tub filled with completely freezing water alone. That is the time when I feel most lonely. Whether I am sick or having one of my IBS episodes, I really need someone by my side to tell me jokes and to tell me how stubborn I am about going to the doctor or taking meds.

So to try and make the rest of my day better for me so I won't cry and complain at work tomorrow, I decided to work on my blog. I finally signed up for blogexplosion and a free counter. I am suprised I actually got the html right. There are other free (findblogs) sites I found if you are interested. I will try to add a link once a day or week for others to look at.

My last thought of the day is a comment on someone elses blog:
I am so sorry you are having to go through all of these feelings right now and everything negative to your situation is being thrown in your face. But, I think at this point you deserve to have people worrying about you and you need to do what makes you happy whether it be going to your parents for awhile or constantly getting KFC for dinner. If you want to take worries off your mind, go and hang with your regular friends or try opening up to new ones. I'm ready to open.

2005-01-27T20:23:00.000-05:00

Do you want him?
Don't worry about the time date on the photo. My camera is messed up when it comes to that.

Keep this in your mind

2005-01-26T08:38:00.000-05:00

Do more than is required. What is the distance between someone who achieves their goals consistently and those who spend their lives and careers merely following? The extra mile.

Mondays are always the best to me

2005-01-25T08:39:00.000-05:00

To finish on what happened this past weekend. I actually accomplished quite a bit on Sunday. I took care of laundry and even took time clean any crud on top of the washer machine. I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed all the floors. I cleaned up the kitchen really good.

Matt got out of having to go see his parents because he used me as the excuse which is totally fine with me but he ended up finishing a car job that someone else was suppose to come over on Saturday and finish. So another Sunday ruined by someone else. At least I go some stuff done.

Yesterday, I thought was awesome. I got through my entire agenda at work. I cold called a sale and did not start shaking until after the phone call was over. I stayed late and got to endure the wonderful smell of paint which made everyone kinda of giggly. I came home to have a nice warm meal and went to bed and woke up and hour later to see Matt outside covered in transmission fluid for what reason, I don't know why but it was really funny. Finally, Matt and all of his friends were respecting my wishes about keeping the house clean last night. (NO SHOES!) To me, things look better. I hope today will be the same.

Another boring unachieving weekend

2005-01-23T04:47:00.000-05:00

I love the weekends to relax but it gets to a point where I completely slack off and accomplish nothing. I should be cleaning or studying or exercise when the only thing I did was sleep thus far. I know I still have one more day but I am already looking at it like I am going to do nothing. Here is what I want to accomplish tomorrow:
Wash and put away all the laundry
Give my nasty sick cat a bath
sweep and mop the floor
catch up on the classwork missed last week
ETC

Is this to much for 1 day and especially the one day of the week I should be resting? Hold on. Let me add something else to the pot. Matt informed me tonight that his father needs his help tomorrow when his father knows that Sundays are our day together. Here is the big question. Do I get upset that again another Sunday is ruined or do I put it aside since it is family? Here is a little background on his family to maybe help you make a decision.

They constantly come over without calling before hand. His dad is a cheap ass who carries around thousands of dollars in his pocket and only spends it on himself. His mom is a lazy ass who hasn't had her liscence since I was born. The only reason she likes to come over is because she thinks I will drive her to the mall or walmart to go shopping and won't give me any gas money. His 15 year old sister is a spoiled brat who interrupts everyone and has to be the center of attention. Matt has two sisters and a brother. Matt, Marc, and Lee did not get cars when they turned 16, but Carrie (the 15 year old is expecting a car for her 16th). There house is so nasty that one day I decided to be nice and clean the kitchen. I opened up an empty box only to find about 300 roaches. There are roaches crawling on the stove and all over the floor. There house is a complete fire hazard with empty boxes, magazines, computer, and guns lying all over the place. I hate going over there simply because I end up coming home with fleas all over me and giving them to my pets.

Enough about them. Just to let you know Matt is nothing like his family. He actually has hygeine. I told matt when he informed of the event to take place tomorrow to do whatever he wants. I have been nice and gave him the whole week to fuck around on cars and with his friends. What about me? Sometimes, I need to be the center of attention.

Since I am letting everything out, I guess I can talk a little bit about work. I love my job. It is not the biggest paying job but I am happy and I think that matters more. The people I work directly with are females but females I think I actually get along with unlike my past expericence, I don't know totally how they feel about me. Sometimes I think they think my ego is big or I am a show off. I really don't mean to do that. It just feel so good to tell people when I accomplish something great. I could say all the same things to Matt or even my family and I can tell they really don't care so I don't bother anymore. So who am I left with? My coworkers. Even though I have been working there for almost a year, I am still adjusting to working and socalizing with women. This is not my forte.

Well let me get a away before I end up writing a novel. But let me leave a people pole:
Who should come first, second, third when it involves time sharing and all three want you on the same day?
Family
boyfriend/girlfriend who you live with
Long time friends

Feel free to let me know and ask your friends.

Winter Hell

2005-01-21T09:51:00.000-05:00

After all of this mess, I finally have a chance to rant and rave about the past couple of days.

I am sitting at work on Wednesday completely in a daze because I cannot stop thinking about the whole issue with my man and I. It got to the point where I just could not work anymore and plus I noticed it was snowing pretty good outside. I decided to leave around 1pm. The snow is coming down really hard and sticking to the street causing a whole gridlock amongst the entire triangle aread. Some areas going home were infact pretty scary because they were so icey and I could at least a dozen recks along the way. After about fifty times of looking at my clock, I noticed it was six o'clock when I finally reached my exit to get off the highway. I am taking it slow, only to still slip and lose control and get stuck in some grassy area. I was so close to home, I got out of my car and started kicking it. All cell phones were jammed so I decided to walk home with my driving foot already killing me.

Finally walked in the door around 7:30 that night and ran straight to bathroom about living without one for over 6 hours. Matt finally gets home and I begin walking to the grocery store. He said hell no and drove me to nearest one. We waited in the truck while I shopped which still pissed me off. We get home and I begin cleaning and cooking and serving him. I did everything for him so he wouldn't even have to move. He finally asked why are you doing all of this. I said "I just wanted to show how much I appreciate you." He begins crying and continues crying for a good two hours. I finally asked whats the matter and he finally admitted that he treats me like shit and he doesn't deserve me. From then on until I left his side this morning for work, he made me feel like the most comfortable and loved person. We shall see how long this lasts.

On a really good note, I finally saw the kitten use the litter box all by herself. I called my mother to say that the kitten will be in hers arms next Saturday. My parents were pleased. I think my mom was most pleased because she gets to go shopping for the kitten.

At least during this whole wintery weather, I managed to get some rest and relaxtion, but what I found out about myself is that I am turning into my father by watching the news this whole time. That is a habit I will have to work on.

The Ultimate Truth

2005-01-19T08:40:00.000-05:00

After creating this blog, I decided to open my cell phone bill and to my surprise, I see that my man has been calling his x in LA (the state). I had asked him before hand if he has called or spoken with her and he told me know, but this statement shows he has. What kind of man could be so stupid to lie to his girl when he knows I can easily find out. I decided I would confront him with my findings to hear his explanation.

Forget going to school tonight. I get home to find my man walling is his own sorro again for what ever reason. I did not care how he was feeling. I wanted answers. I finally bring up the cell phone conversations and he said "I don't deny it, I just talk to her about old times and what not." I told him it makes me feel very uncomfortable that he can talk to her for 4 to 5 mins at a time but only talk to me for a couple of seconds. I said again that I don't like it and it makes me feel really uncomfortable and all he could say is "Ok". That was the end of that conversation.

Somehow we ended up sitting on the bathroom floor afterwards talking about our feelings and our future. He claims that he wants to work on cars and act young while he is still young and not a father. I told him that fine and dandy, but doesn't he think anything about our future. No response. I finally came up with the notion that I am holding him back from his life. Sorry is all I could say. I told him that I wanted to help him get to where he needs to be but he is so indecisive and he never asks for help. This is my breaking point.

We come out of bathroom and he sits at the computer as usual looking for the next car part of his dreams while I sit watching american idol. Speaking of american idol, you need to watch the last contestant of the night. I almost died laughing. Out of nowhere, my man decided he was going to eat something and looks in the fridge and starts taking out everything. He begins laughing because I have managed to leave left overs in there from Thankgiving. He was laughing and I was crying at myself.

Now that the fridge is all cleaned, it looks like we are too broke to have to food. Matt is trying to be all nice to me about it, but I really don't want to be around him. I walked and and started to wash dishes and do a load of his laundry and go to bed.

I woke this morning to perform my boring routine of going to work and realized matt is still sleeping when he should have been at work by 7am. I asked him if he was getting up and he said yes. I left. I get to work and at 8:40 I call him just to make sure he is up and all he could say is "Oh I am up now that you have called me at 8:40" in the horrible manner. I apologized and said I will see you tonight and a very long pause commensed and he hung up.

My day has got to be better from here. Let that asshole call that bitch if she makes him happier, I don't need this shit anymore.

Welcome

2005-01-18T13:44:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my new home on blogspot. See you tomorrow for my latest news.